Yet Another Mary Sue Parody
by unwrittennovel
Summary: Another Mary Sue has invaded the Death Note world. These authors never learn, do they? Warnings: slight crack, a name that's way too long, exaggeration, torture of Light and others, mention of the word "rape," and a rainbow cat who loves cake.


**A/N: This is the result of not being able to sleep at two in the morning. Anyway, this is my first Death Note fanfic, and I decided to do an exaggerated Mary Sue parody to play it safe. I guess you could call this crack...anyway, enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Death Note or any of its characters. If I did, I wouldn't be writing FANfiction. Geez, some people can be such idiots for even thinking that the author would write fanfiction.**

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><p><span>Juliana Isabella Hydrogen Star Moonlight Indigo Princess Lovely Dovey Kat'na Rapist Rose Lily Blood<span>

It was a perfectly normal day with the task force. L sat like a bird and ate his cake, Light grumbled about being chained to said detective and how he's completely innocent (coughNOTcough), and Matsuda tripped over a rock in the middle of the street on his way to work (even though he has a car). All seemed okay that day. That is, until the doors flew open with irritatingly bad opera music screeching and even more irritating hot pink sparkles being thrown at them from fog the color of poop.

"HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" an even more irritating high-pitched voice-more like the lovechild of a dog whistle and nails on a chalkboard-squealed with too much enthusiasm and idiocy. Everyone grimaced at it.

"MY NAME IS JULIANA ISABELLA HYDROGEN STAR MOONLIGHT INDIGO PRINCESS LOVELY DOVEY KAT'NA RAPIST ROSE LILY BLOOD!111758 YOU ALL LURVVVVVV MEEEE!" the thing continued. The crap fog finally cleared and a beautiful fifteen year old girl with bubble gum pink hair all the way down to her knees and unnaturally large boobs stood in its place. She was wearing a black sparkly miniskirt that barely covered her ass, a black and pink leather corset, and thigh high leather boots with lots of buckles and five inch heels. Her eyes seemed to change colors each second, making anyone who looked into them get a migraine. A rainbow cat sat at her feet, looking miserable. All in all, the stupid slutty girl was just a pain to look at.

"Um, do we know you? And how did you get in here?" L interrogated, feeling annoyed and kind of terrified of the thing. Seriously, what was it? And why did it think that any of them love it?"

"Oh, L!" Juliana squealed, hopping over to him gracefully in her five inch heels, "You know who I am! You love me! I'm going to tell everyone about me! My mom and dad were murdered when I was two by Lord Voldemort during World War II right in front of me! He was going to kill me too, but then a random fighter plane that weighs six million tons crashed down on Voldemort's head. I ended up at Wammy's House because I had an IQ of 7,000. I now have an IQ of 100,000. From ages three to fourteen, I was kidnapped, then I was beaten, then I was turned into a ferret for a year, then I was kidnapped again, then my dog died, then I realized I didn't have a dog and cried harder, and then I was raped forty times because I'm so beautiful. But that was okay because I enjoyed it and the tooth fairy came and restored my virginity all forty times through the power of friendship. And now I'm frozen forever at fifteen because I'm part vampire. I'm also half elf, half fairy, half unicorn, half wizard, half goddess, half Shinigami, half mermaid, half man, and half Loch Ness Monster."

By this time the entire task force was twitching uncontrollably, feeling undeniable fear of and apprehension for the shiny thing that just squealed about its life in run-ons and plain insanity.

"No, we don't know you," L said monotonously, "We would like you to leave. While you're leaving, I suggest you check into the mental hospital down the street so you would be less of a danger to society."

"NO! L!" Juliana screamed in agony, tears made of water from the Fountain of Youth falling from her multi-colored eyes. "YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME!"

"What? I did no such thing!" L replied, now thoroughly frightened of the crazy hybrid.

"Oh, but you do! I'll prove it!" she screamed. Then she jumped on top of him and knocked him off his seat. She crashed her lips against his as he protested with all his might. It seemed as if she was about to have sex with him (coughRAPEcough), but then L managed to kick her off with more force than he kicked Light. The thing crashed against the wall.

Unfortunately, it didn't seem fazed when it bounded over to Light instead. She knew Light would love her and leave that slut Misa-Misa.

"Get off me!" the Kira suspect shouted as she tried to do what she was going to do with the world's three greatest detectives. Seriously, she's worse than Misa! At least Misa dresses slightly more decently and doesn't try to rape every man in sight.

"Leave that Misa-Misa whore, Light!" Juliana screamed in his face as she straddled him. Poor Light. People reading this almost (keyword: almost) felt sorry for him at this point.

Meanwhile, the thing's rainbow cat named Disenchanted finally came out of its hiding place. He slinked around, constantly hoping that his dreaded master would leave him alone for once. Luckily, Juliana was too preoccupied with trying to molest Light to notice the feline approaching the man eating cake. L looked curiously at Disenchanted and instantly knew that he didn't like the girl as much as she thinks he does. He felt sorry for the cat, especially when he noticed how thin it was. Juliana probably didn't want to have a fat cat. L took a piece of the cake he was eating and fed it to the cat while watching Light in slight amusement. Disenchanted happily took the strawberry shortcake. It seems as though L made yet another friend…

"Ok, that's it! I don't care if this doesn't stick to canon!" Light suddenly yelled, pushing the dreaded life form away. He randomly pulled a black notebook out of his pants and wrote "Juliana Blood" in it, anxiously awaiting for her heart attack. Now why did Light have the Death Note even though in the Yotsuba Arc he had neither possession nor memory of it? This is what we call a plot hole, kiddies. Most sorry excuses for fanfiction that have "characters" like Juliana are often filled with it. Also note how no one in the task force, not even L, notices this. Oh, this thing messes up everyone and everything in a fandom.

"HA! I can't be killed using the Death Note!" Juliana screeched triumphantly once a minute had passed. "My boobs are blessed by the Shinigami King, so I can't be killed by a Death Note!"

Light suddenly got in a fetal position and started whimpering. Misa was bad enough, but now a crazy hybrid girl that is a million times worse and can't die wants to rape him and every other hot guy? It was too much for him (coughPUSSYcough). Juliana saw that Light and L were both not paying attention to her, so she decided to go for the next best thing in the room.

"MATSUDA-KUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!" she squealed. Matsuda screamed and started running away. Seriously, he was more scared of this chick than he was of Kira. Juliana just ran after him in circles.

L sighed and shook his head. This was getting out of hand. Disenchanted the rainbow cat wanted to help his new friend. He knew one way to distract her. The feline suddenly jumped on his master's face, sinking his razor sharp talons on her perfect face. She shrieked in surprise and pain.

"AH! DISENCHANTED! Why would you do this to me? I thought you loved me!" Everyone in the room just rolled their eyes; for someone that claims to have an impossible IQ, she was the most idiotic thing they have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Only the moron that created her would ever surpass her in idiocy. (The author takes slight offense to this.)

She managed to shake the cat off. It wasn't a pleasant sight. There were deep cuts on her face, blood flowing down. Juliana sobbed about her flawless beauty being marred by her own animal companion. Luckily, this was enough for her to be destroyed. For Watari flew into the room, holding a sniper rifle and lots of bullets.

"Die, Mary Sue, die!" the old man hollered, shooting her five hundred times with bullets filled with character flaws. The bullets first made her into a normal person. Then the extra bullets killed her. Hurray! Watari saved the day!

"Is it dead?" L asked cautiously, still thoroughly scarred from it. Watari nodded, and the task force cheered. They then went back to their normal, thankfully somewhat boring lives. Disenchanted was eventually adopted by L; L would only share his cake with his beloved cat. Other than that, everything went back to canon. I can hear you booing about all the deaths and outcomes. Hey, don't complain; canon is better than having a Mary Sue.

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><p><strong>AN: How bad was it? I've never really seen a Mary Sue this bad, but some have come pretty close. It's my first Death Note fanfic, so I don't know if it's good or bad. Tell me in a review! Please? ~puppy eyes~**


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